she was so not down for the gang bang
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
