Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
