I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
