i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
