i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
