they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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