Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
