I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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