I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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