Well douche your snatch and let's go!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
