I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The feeling are messing with the penis
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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