he puts the penis in happiness.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
