I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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