Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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