my phone needs a breathalizer
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize