my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
