Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
