does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
