her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
