I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
