Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
