What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
