mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
