with your own penis?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
