did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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