And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
