I have demons in me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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