I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
