I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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