I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
