He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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