i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
