it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
