Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
ok first of all what the fuck
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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