girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
