I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
