Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
