I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
