you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
