If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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