what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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