and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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