you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
