she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
