HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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