That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
