Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
