so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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