speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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