i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
