Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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