wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
