I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
