the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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