Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
